New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
