ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
