Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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