God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
