Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
