Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
