people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
