i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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