Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize