I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
