I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
