I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
