I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't deserve a penis
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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