She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
