it wasn't lemon gatorade
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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