We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
