yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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