how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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