oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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