If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
