we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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