I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
