My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
