They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
