Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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