he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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