somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
