winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
