Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
