Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
