ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
