Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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