now i know why i became what i already was.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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