No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she told me i tasted like america
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
