Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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