A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
