She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
