did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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