I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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