3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
