I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
