My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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