My friends, they love my intelligence
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
