I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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