The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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