The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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