I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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