Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
