I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
