For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
