Your face is a jimmy john
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize