i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
