Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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