She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
