I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
