i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
