I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
