i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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