kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
