I hate your face
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
