Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
