I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was born a porn star she said
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
