When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
