I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
