You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize