I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
