i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
