Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the liver wants what the liver wants
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
