I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize