I cannot find my penis.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
