just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
