Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
